dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
