It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
