Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
