3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
