dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
