i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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