I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Success! We fucked roommates!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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