Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
