Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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