I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
