Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
