Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize