i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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