i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
