So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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