I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize