And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
