Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
