mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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