I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
