3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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