Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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