moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
