WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
