doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
