I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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