Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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