My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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