Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
