return my video game
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
