I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
