don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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