Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I want to fling myself into the sun
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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