Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
