wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
