she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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