I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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