Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
