it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
