i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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