Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
