let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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