JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
