my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
