i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
