i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
