Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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