just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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