Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
