I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My vagina is very pro this idea
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
