How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
