I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
