Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I touched a dick in church today
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
