I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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