Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
