that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
