Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
