just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
