I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
