Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
