I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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