The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
