if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
its not stalking. its research.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
