One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why do cheetos always look like penises
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
