i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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