Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
