Have you finally orgasmed yet?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
