All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize