we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
