If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
