In the future we'll all be gay
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
