you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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