Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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